Ever have that “If only I had known this, I would have done it differently” moment?  Well, here you have your “If only’s” answered by the professionals.  We have the latest and greatest relevant and useful information gleaned from our wealth of professional associates here.  

Each contributing professional has been personally interviewed and we only choose the best of the best to feature here.

Contributor:
Katie Munos
Senior Move Manager
Moving Forward

“If only we had contacted a Senior Move Manager instead of trying to do everything ourselves” 

The last time I tried to move was when I could fit everything in the back of a pickup truck.  My parents’ move wasn’t going to be anything like that.  The home stager wanted my parents to pack up almost everything in the house, so she could stage it to look like a model home. The estate sale company wanted us to leave everything in the house for the sale.  Either way, we needed to get my folks relocated to their new living arrangements as soon as possible.  I felt so confused.  I didn’t know what to do first!   My parent’s new neighbor in the retirement community they were moving to had hired a Move Manager who took care of everything from start to finish.  The Senior Move Manager understood the order of events and how long to allow for each.  She brought the boxes and the packing paper and did all of the packing.  At the end of moving day,  my parents and their new friends were relaxing and enjoying a quiet evening on the deck of their new home.  I was still looking for the can opener and complaining about my aching back.

 “If only I had known how to help my parent’s sort, instead of asking them to decide about every single object.  They got overwhelmed.”

If you look at the whole house at once and ask yourself, “What can my parents do without?” it gets overwhelming.  You’ll have to look and decide about each item individually.  Instead, start with the furniture and ask yourself, “What do they use the most?”  Then it becomes easy.  For instance, they may need their bed, if there isn’t one in the new apartment along with a dresser, nightstand, recliner and TV.   Is there anymore room in your new apartment?  If so, then you might be able to add the sewing machine or a love seat. 

“If only I had given Mom one more opportunity to go through her things after she moved.  She’s be so much happier”

Rather than making moving day the final day your loved one can go through the things they are leaving behind, let them settle into their new home for a day or two and then give them the opportunity to go back to their home for one more review to see if there’s anything else they want to take with them.  Contrary to the belief that they will want to take everything, most people either find they don’t want anything more as they have settled into their new home or they only pick up a couple of things to take with them.  If they simply can’t let go of their things yet, rent a storage unit for a month or two.  Often, they just need a little more time to let go. These actions help to give them the chance to get closure around leaving their old home and looking forward to a new beginning.

Some additional hints:

1. Before starting the real sorting and packing, pack up a suitcase and a box or two of essentials for living at their next home.  Include things such as towels, toilet paper, dish detergent, toothbrush and other personal care items.  Mark these well to indicate they will not be going with the moving truck.  On moving day, your parent will have what they need to settle in, even if everything else is still packed up.
2. Don’t pack and sort at the same time.  It takes about two weeks to sort things and about two days to pack them.  Do all the sorting first and then pack.
3. When sorting a wardrobe closet, don’t empty the whole closet out.  It’s too much work.  Instead sort from side to side.  Put a green sticker on one end of the clothes rod and a red sticker on the other end.  Take out one hanger at a time and either put it on the green (moves with you) end or the red (it doesn’t belong in your new life) end.  This way, you don’t have clothes laying everywhere, making the room unusable.  In the kitchen you can mark one shelf green and the next shelf red and sort items back and forth.   When you are ready to move, just pack the things from the green areas.  Leave items in the read areas right where they are.  They will be ready for the estate sale company to sell after you have taken everything you and your family want to keep.

 Contributor:
Wendy Davis
Marketing Director
Park Place Retirement and Assisted Living
“If only we had organized and downsized before we had to move Mom”

It’s one of the top issues that can turn an already high stress situation into an almost impossible one; sorting and downsizing your parent’s home and life time of things.  Meet with them when they are still able to participate in sorting through their things and can make decisions about what to keep and what to let go.  This will help your loved one transition to a new living situation far more easily, and will remove this huge task from your already too long “To Do” list.

“If only I had known which assisted home we were going to send Dad to”

This is another item that can usually be dealt with ahead of time for the most part and will reduce a huge amount of stress when moving your parent. Trying to find time to tour several facilities right when your parent has to be moved is the most difficult time to address this.  Assisted living facilities sometimes have waiting lists, so you might not be able to place your loved one in the home that is best for them.  Schedule tours well in advance of needing a facility and take your loved one with you.  Your parent will be able to be part of the process in deciding where they will live as well as getting used to the prospect of living elsewhere.

“If only I had moved Mom into her new home before I had to prepare her house for sale instead of trying to do this while she was still living there”

Many of us make the mistake of waiting until our parent is beyond good health before we move them and put the house up for sale.  Yet, we don’t want them to give up their home before they need to. Rather than waiting until there’s no choice but to sell and move, it is much easier for everyone, especially your parent(s)  if they can pick out a new facility and move in, knowing their home is still available to them.  This alleviates a lot of your parent’s fear and sadness when the time does arrive to sell their home.  Having them settle into the new facility while they are still healthy enough to enjoy life gives them the best opportunity of doing well as their health declines.  They will have had the time to get to know the staff and the facility and enjoy its amenities.  They can start new friendships and get involved in the activities.  And they’ll discover they actually gain more freedom and independence when they’re not struggling with keeping up a big house, doing laundry and cooking – It’s all done for them!  When they are settled and happy, getting their house ready to sell is so much easier on all the family members.